Cabin Fever Cured…

While most of the country is getting ready to go inside their homes to hunker down for the winter, us Floridians are coming out of our summer hibernation. When the temperature hovers around 98 degrees with 100% humidity, you stay inside for 4 months  eating popsicles for dinner in your underwear.

It was 75 degrees today so EVERYONE was outside. I felt giddy, oh so giddy!

We decided to go to the park:

This is the first photo of us in 5 months that we aren't sweating.

I noticed Nate was staring at a sculpture in the park. It was 2 boys flying a kite.

“Mommy? Are those boys real?”

“No, Nate…that’s a sculpture.”

“What’s a scupchool?”

“A ssscuullptchure” I sounded out.

“Yeah, does that mean pretend boys?”

“It can be, Nate. A sculpture is a piece of art that an artist makes.”

“Like my drawing of Darf Lader fighting Luke with his Light Saver?”

“No, not like that. A sculpture is when an artist takes material like stone, bronze or….Nate? Where are you going?”

“I’m going to see if those boys are real…”

Nate stalked the sculpture for 10 minutes before he got the nerve to touch it.

He was spellbound. He nervously explored every inch of these two, expecting them to turn around and yell, "Gottcha!" at any minute.

When Nate was finally satisfied that these boys were indeed, "pretend", he decided to become one of them.

The only thing that got his attention away from this sculpture was this really cool swing:

Uncle Scott pushed the kids. (Paige, Nate and Hope)

Aunt Melody pushed me and Zeke...

and then she pushed Mark just to the edge of a heart attack.

We all felt like newly paroled prisoners…”WE’RE OUT! WE’RE OUT!”  We laughed and sang and ran around a field of flowers in slow motion. This is our season…the reason we all moved to FL and endure the sweltering summers. So we can call all our out-of-state friends and relatives when they’re buried under a mountain of ice and snow and say, “It’s a balmy 72 degrees here today!”

 

Petting Farm Outing for Mommy & Me

As soon as I moved to Celebration, FL, I hooked up with the local “Mommy & Me” group.  It wasn’t easy…I felt like I was looking for drugs. “Psst…excuse me…I see you have a kid, can you hook me up? I need a fix real bad. I’ve been with my kids 24/7 and if I don’t get some adult conversation real soon…I’m afraid I may end up dialing a 900 number.”

We meet every Wed. in one of Celebration’s many parks. Sometimes, like today, we do something special. There’s a petting farm in Kissimmee called, “Green Meadows Petting Farm”. It’s normally a little pricey for me but since we had a group of 20, we got in for half price. I’ll take Zeke to pet a pig for $10. but not for $20!

We started with a Monster Tractor Pull...Zeke crushed 2 cars and a bus to come in 2nd.

A little side note here: Mark left this morning for a business trip to New York and took our camera. These photos were taken with my cell phone! You gotta love technology.

This is the sheep barn. Zeke loved the barn more than the sheep. Go figure.

He touched this sheep but very quickly. He just wanted to stand next to them and laugh. He thought they were the funniest things he's ever seen. That's my boy!

Zeke was really interested in the sheep. I watched him bend down behind one to get a good look at its little sheep butt.  I’m always so surprised at my speed when I see his hand going towards things like that. I stopped him just before he violated the sheep. I slathered both of us in hand sanitizer, just from the thought of it.

Next stop...the pony ride! It would be Zeke's first, so we practised on the statue. Good thing because he jammed his finger up the metal horse's nostril!

Aaahhhh...he gave the horse a snuggle. I think we're ready. (Or was he crushing it's windpipe? I guess we'll find out soon enough.)

Each pony is led by a trainer and us Moms walked beside our kids. Zeke’s turn started out shaky, {violently signing, “MORE DOWN…MORE DOWN!”} While saying, “MO DOW…MO DOW!” I pointed to the horn on the saddle and said, “Look, Zekey…this is the horse’s horn! Beep, beep” That got the signing to stop. “Go ahead…you can touch it Beep, beep!” Zeke reached over and touched the horn and I said, “Beep!” I saw a little grin crack his cheeks. He touched it again, “Beep!” I yelled! That made him chuckle and the next time made him laugh. So, Zeke’s first pony ride was him honking the “horn” and me yelling “Beep!” I’m sure that made it special for all the other Moms and their kids, too.

BEEEEEEEP!!!

Our next stop was the baby ducks and chicks. We all sat on a bench and each Mom was handed a baby duck that was only a few days old. I held the duck while coaching my son, “Lenny” to “Be very, very gentle.” Zeke would pat the duckling on the head and it would go, “Peep!” That made Zeke laugh uncontrollably. It also made the Duckling “uncontrollable” and he let loose all over my lap! I tried to remain calm but when “faster than a speeding bullet” Zeke put his hand in it…I’ll admit I yelled a little.  You should be thankful I was unable to take any photos.

This was Zeke watching the cow eat his hay then trying some himself. He didn't even use his hands...just bent his head over like the cow and took a bite. {sigh} That's my little vegetarian!

After the hayride, we got to go to the pumpkin patch and pick out a pumpkin. (pumpkin patch = field of grass with pumpkins thrown on it) I really missed having my camera for this.

"Stand back...I'm a trained professional."

"This one's for Nate..."

"and this one's for me!"

Thank goodness I was with the Mommy & Me group. They saved the day over and over. Julie loaned me money to get in, (Always check your wallet BEFORE you get to your destination.) Katherine and several others graciously took photos of Zeke and I on their cameras, one Mom rushed to my aid during the “Duckling/poo incident and not one single Mom judged me when Zeke threw a tantrum in the goat enclosure because I wouldn’t let him play with the “balls” that came out of the goats’ butts.

When it comes to raising my boys, this wonderful group offers unconditional acceptance, understanding and help you can only get from other Moms in your generation.

After a day like today…this “druggie” has gotten her fix.

 

Date Night…U2!

My birthday was in March. What did my brother get me for my birthday that was 7 months ago? U2 tickets! Wow! Talk about anticipation. “Here’s your gift…it’s in 6 months.”

U2's space ship stage. I thought it was a bug.

Originally, he bought these tickets for himself. Ticketmaster told him they were the best seats still available so he grabbed them. Then he called them back in a few hours (just to see) and was told that there were “way better seats now available”. So he bought those and gave Mark and I the first ones. (It’s the thought that counts.)

The concert was at Raymond James Stadium, home of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers. There were over 70,000 people there. That’s an all time record for the stadium. (FYI the Super Bowl was there last year!)

When we handed the usher our tickets, she said, “Take the escalator up as far as it goes…then start walking up the stairs. When your nose starts to bleed…you’re half-way there.”

But guess what? My Mom watched the boys for us so Mark and I could go to the concert! Out at night with no kids = great time! We could have been at our own tax audit and we would have had a relaxing time. Add that with U2’s great performance and we were actually holding hands and smooching a little!

This is the view from our seats for the first 2 songs...

Then the owners of the empty seats in front of us showed up...I'm guessing 6'7".

Hard to make out? Here…let me use the flash:

Mark thought I was being romantic when I laid my head on his shoulder...I was just trying to see around the human wall.

Mark and I aren’t sports fans, so we’ve never been to this stadium before. I was surprised to see an entire Pirate ship wedged into the upper decks of seats.

Look how happy we are! It didn't even matter that it was 97 degrees at 10:30 pm! We were kid-less for 7 hours!

I just kept looking at Mark.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just looking at you.”

“Why?”

“Because I can. No distractions. Hey…”

“What?”

“I love you.”

“Sure, you say that now…wait till we’re home and THEY wake up…then let’s see you say that.”

“That’s why I’m saying it now…”

The concert may be over but the effects of "Date Night" will be enjoyed by all who have to live with us.

Thanks, Scott & Melody…I enjoyed having my birthday in Oct. this year!

 

Pants on Fire!

I never understood how my Mom always knew when I was lying or when I had done something wrong…

Today, I understand.

Look at this sweet, innocent, he-would-never-tell-a-lie son of mine...oh, wait...does his nose look bigger to you?

Food battles seem to be the problem du-jour among all my friends with kindergarteners.  Nate, who used to eat everything and anything we put on his plate, has suddenly had a change of heart. “Pretend Butter noodles!” he demands for breakfast, lunch and dinner. (We’re vegetarians, so the butter is non-dairy “pretend”, not the noodles.)

“Nate, you can’t have pretend butter noodles for breakfast.”

“Why not, Mommy?”

“I don’t know…you just can’t.  It’s a rule.”

“Who made the rule, Mommy?”

“I did, Nate. Daddy and I make all the rules.”

“Well, if you made it, can’t you change it?”

“Uh..er…um..{sigh}…I guess I can Nate.”

“Where are you going, Mommy?”

“To change your college fund to a campaign fund.”

So, pretend butter noodles it is.  I keep trying different things but I can’t even get him to eat one of his old favorites…Pizza! What kid doesn’t like pizza? We make it at home, so we can put whatever we want on it and top it off with soy cheese. He used to eat it like it was dessert.  But now?  I put 1 piece, cut in half, on Nate’s plate and it sits there. Oh, it gets moved around the plate several hundred times but never comes close to his mouth.  “Nate, eat your pizza.” “My tummy is telling me not to send anything else down there…it’s full.” “OK, but if you don’t eat your pizza, you can’t have dessert. It’s your choice.” “My tummy just changed it’s mind, Mommy. He wants the pizza.”  I took Zeke into his room and changed his diaper. I was gone 2 minutes, top. When I walked back into the kitchen, Nate was dropping his plate and cup into the sink. “I’m all done, Mommy! I ate both of my pizzas. I put them into my mouth and ate ‘em up!”

And that’s the moment I understood how my Mom always knew when my brother and I were lying.

I walked over to the trash, lifted up the lid and there it was…Nate’s piece of pizza. My sweet little angel had just told me his first lie. I felt a little crack in my heart.

“NATE! Did you just lie to me?”

“Yes.  Yes I did.”

“But that is never acceptable, Nate. We do not lie to each other…ever! Why did you throw your pizza in the trash and then tell me you ate it? “

“Because I didn’t want to eat the pizza and I wanted dessert, Mommy.”

It’s really hard to argue with that kind of logic.

 

Old-School, Backyard Birthday Party…

Hmmm…should we cash in some of our 401k and contribute to the increasingly elaborate, hire a planner, children’s birthday bashes?  OR…should we have an old-school, pin-the-tail-on-the-donkey, musical chairs, cake and goodbye party in our backyard? Not having 40 kids and parents to clean up after is written in all caps on the pro side of the “rented hall” list. And as much as I hate to admit it, there is that “coolest party ever!” competition I’m in with all the other parents at Nate’s school. {tsk-tsk}

When Nate declared (through a town crier) that his 5-year-old party would be a Star Wars party, I immediately did some surfing to see what other Moms of Jedi-Junkies had done with this theme. Maybe it was the cleverness of all those Moms, maybe it was purely the unconditional love of my eldest son, or maybe (probably) it was how very cheap thrifty I am…I decided to go with the home-made, DIY party in our backyard.

We decided to call it a “Jedi-Training” party. That way, everyone was on the same side…the good side. We didn’t want some poor kid coming to the party dressed as Darth Vader and getting his “dark side” kicked all over the yard. We try to teach non-violence to our sons, but it’s hard when your husband is a Wookie-lovin’, Solo wannabe. I was determined to make this party as peaceful and Zen as Yoda himself.

The preparations:

Who wouldn't want a "Wookie-Cookie"?

Melted chocolate will give you 3rd degree burns on your tongue...FYI

Obi-Wan Cannolis??? We bought these just for the joke!

We also had Jedi-Juice. It was green Hawaiian Punch. If you add 7-up it’s Yoda-Soda! In keeping with the cheap thrifty theme…I made the cake myself and decorated it with Nate’s Galactic Heros:

Nate chose the white frosting because it "looks like snow" and he wanted to create the snow-something attacking Luke while he's riding on that kangaroo-looking creature.

Sure, it looks home-made and uneven to us but to the kids at the party….”Woah! Cool cake, Nate! Can I have a piece with Luke on it?” Mission accomplished.

The party schedule was this: (Of course there was a schedule! I’m still type “A”) When the Jedi arrived, they were given their Jedi robes and their very own light saber. Both of these items were handmade from online tutorials I found.

The robe was easy. Rectangle of fabric folded in half then cut a "V" out on the fold side. Tie a cord around their waist and viola! You're a genius. The light sabers were pool noodles cut in half with duct tape wrapped around the end! This way, they could beat the tar out of each other without leaving incriminating marks.

After each Jedi was uniformed and armed, they entered the training center for some light saber training:

Keeping a balloon in the air using your light saber. Lots of fun and most importantly...keeps Nate from asking, "Can I open just ONE present now?"

When all the Jedi had arrived, we herded them outside for the Jedi obstacle course:

The playset turned Jedi trainer! Swing over the lava, climb the stairs and slide down into the swamp. Who knew the red vinyl table cloth playing the part of the lava would be such a big hit! PS. 50 cents at Goodwill!

We borrowed a bubble machine from Amber (aka life-saver) so the Jedis could wack at the bubbles while waiting in line. So, I have a fear of snakes...apparently, Mark has a fear of bubbles..

Then we played,  “Get Han Solo out of the carbon-freeze” I had taken 3 of Nate’s Galactic Hero Han Solos and froze them in a container of water. We separated the kids into 3 teams. Each Jedi had a cup for water. They took turns dipping the cup into a pail of water and running to dump the water onto their frozen Solo. The first team that got Han out of the ice won.

They were mesmerized by this game and got so excited when Han Solo was finally free! The winning team started helping the other teams..."Must save Solo!"

It wasn't a game to them...it was a science project! That's our Montessori dollars working for us.

After light saber shaped popcicles, we moved back inside to cool off. We played a Star Wars version of the old cake-walk game:

Mark printed out photos of Star Wars characters and I taped them to the floor. An adult game of "Name the character" was also going on. I'm not sure but I think illegal bets were placed.

When the music (Star Wars music, of course!) played, everyone jumped from photo to photo. When the music stopped, you stay on your character. I pulled a name out of the hat and whoever was standing on that character sat down. Last one standing wins!

About halfway through this game, I pulled out R2-D2 and looked up to see that Nate was standing on that photo. I said, “Nate…that’s you! Sit down.” All of a sudden I hear  what sounded like a helicopter, “pssst…psst…shhhh..ssssss…” I look up to see EVERY other parent starring me down. “Did you just call the BIRTHDAY BOY out?” They all whispered at once. “SHHHHAAAME ON YOU!” I didn’t know you let your kid win just because it’s his birthday. I’ve seen way too many Lifetime movies about parents who cheat for their kids. I guess I was being overly honest. “Nate…I made a mistake…stand back up!” (before this angry mob lynches me!) So, after a few more rounds…”And the winner is Nate!”

Then it was cake time:

Mark serves the cake. 3 cups of Jedi-Juice spilled on the carpet. Which gave Mark the right to say, "Told ya so!" Little did he know it was my way of getting the carpets cleaned after the party.

Nate wanted a pinata. Even after I showed him all the “America’s Funniest Videos” of people getting  hit and mamed for life trying to bust open pinatas…Nate wanted a pinata. I found a Darth Vader pinata online but really didn’t like the idea of hitting him in the head with a bat. Even though he’s the bad guy. We’re trying to teach, “Bodies aren’t for hitting…only for hugging”. Then I found one at the Party Store that was non-violent. It has ribbons attached to the bottom. Everyone takes a turn pulling a ribbon until someone pulls the one that spills the goodies all over the floor!

Pinata/camera tricks! The best present we got was a disc filled with photos from the party. Thanks, Fed and Wendy aka Darth Mom.

Nate pulls a ribbon...nothing.

Andrew (thinking he has the answer) pulls all the strings at once....Taa-Daa! Goodie scramble.

Where ever Sam is...a party's sure to break-out!

The Jedi were awarded their "Certificate of Mastering the Force" and then headed over to the banner for their "class photo".

Oh, yeah…there’s Zeke! Wondering what happened to Zeke? Well, Mommy and Daddy decided to hire a personal escort for Zeke. Thanks, Danielle for keeping Zeke safe, happy and away from the cake!

Mark brought home a life-sized Darth Maul. "We're trying not to emotionally scar the kids for life, Mark!" So he taped a photo of Nate on it! Danielle and Zeke check out his handy work.

After everyone left Nate got to finally open his gifts:

It was like Christmas for 7 kids! I really should have put 3/4 of it away for Christmas.

That night in his thankful prayer, Nate was thankful for, “The best birthday party I ever had or even went to!”

Old-School wins.

 

Nate turned 5 years old…four times!

So how wrong is it to take 1/2 of the presents your son gets at his birthday party and hide them in the closet until Christmas?  Calm down…I didn’t do it. I thought about it, though.  {sigh}

Today was Nate’s 4th time turning 5. It was his classroom party.  We got out of the classroom party last year because Nate’s birthday comes a few days before school starts. But when he kept asking, “How come all my friends have a birthday at school and I don’t?” Mark and I decided to let him have it the week after. Turns out, it was a lot of work, but way easier than living with the guilt of skipping it.

Montessori birthdays are really special. (“special” being a euphemism for “lot’s of work”) I had to gather photos from Nate’s life and write something that happened to him when he turned 1, 2, etc.  The teacher shows the photos and tells the class the “story of Nate” while he holds a globe and walks around a lit candle (the sun).  It’s his 5th day of Kindergarten and he already knows more about the solar system then I do.

It doesn't look heavy but Nate had to "put down the world so I can rest" between each trip around the sun. I know that feeling all too well.

The parent of the birthday child (that would be me) is also responsible for bringing a birthday snack for all the kids. The teacher suggested fruit. Now, being vegetarian and a very little sugar kind of family…this was great. Only problem was, how do you make fruit fun, exciting and birthday-ish for a group of 3 -5 year olds? I got crafty:

Fruit all washed and cut...look how pretty!

I used a cookie cutter to make flowers out of the watermelon...well...more like bumpy circles of watermelon.

Taa-Daa! It looks like a flower arrangement! (Unless you have a subscription to Martha Stewart's Magazine, in which case it looks like fruit salad on a stick.)

Nate was happy and his friends thought it was "Awesome! So cool! Can we eat it?" And I felt like a crafty Mom that handmakes things with love for her kids...for an entire hour!

It makes me happy to think that Nate will grow up and remember fondly how much work and love I put into his birthday.  And if he doesn’t…I have these pictures as proof!

 

The perfect summer day…

I grew up in Florida. I spent 15 summers here and I have to say that I don’t remember it being this hot…ever! When I asked my Mom about it, she said, “Of course it was this hot. We just never went outside.”

My boys LOVE to go outside. They say they don’t mind the heat but after about an hour of 97 degrees…their whining, tantrum meltdowns tell me otherwise. So I try to keep them inside the cool house but there’s only so many ways you can stack the sofa cushions to make a fort.  When Zeke started hanging out in my laundry baskets,  I figured I better start getting creative.

Little known fact: "The Monster at the end of this Book" was written to be read inside a laundry basket.

At least I always know where he is.

We went to Sea World with friends and discovered that it was “Buy a day…get a year”. So now we have season passes to Sea World. They have lots of water at Sea World and lots of sea creatures that like to splash that water on you. Shamu is kinda like a giant whale-sprinkler. The sting rays love to lure you over for a touch of they’re rubbery-ness then WHAM! they drown you with a wall of salt water. Just like the first 10 rows of a Gallagher concert, this was extremely annoying the first time we went, but now…we come prepared.

The Stingray to Nate: "Hey Pal...high five!"

Then without warning...AAAAHHH! Nate's covered in watermelon...uh...I mean Sea Water!

But this time we’ve outsmarted the fish: Nate’s wearing his bathing suit and no shirt! Refreshed instead of distressed. That should be the new slogan for Sea World: “Wear a swimsuit, bring a towel” That’s my advise.

Sea World also has lots of indoor, underwater, AIR CONDITIONED viewing caves. We went underground to watch the dolphins, manatees and a beluga whale! The penguin exhibit is downright chilly! Well worth the cost of admission.

“Mommy how long can we watch the dolphins play?” “As long as the air conditioner keeps running down here, Nate.”

Manatee rescue? More like Mommy heat stroke rescue.

Life imitating art...

 

The secret to surviving the summer: Seek out the shaded water pools and disguise “air conditioner squatting” as educational outings.

My Mom keeps telling me, “It’s like the states that have horrific winters…you  just keep your kids inside for 3 or 4 months.”  “Yeah, that looks good on paper, Ma. How ’bout I send them to your house when they start singing, “Swing low…sweet chariot…”

 

Family Camping…

…old school way to bond with your family? OR new way to drive a stake (literally) through the heart of your family’s morale?

It all started so innocently:  My Dad and step-mom have a mobile coffee/smoothie/ice cream/whatever-you-need-I-got-it business called, “Cuppy’s”. They decided to take time off from traveling and park it and their camper permanently at a campground in Crystal Springs, FL. They live 15 mins. from there, so they invited us to come stay in the camper for a weekend.  Great! Free weekend getaway…we’re in!

Mark and I did the sales pitch/pep talk with the boys to get them excited about camping. We told Nate that it was near a natural spring that was filled with Manatees. “Can I touch the Manatees?” he asked excitedly. “Maybe.” I said trying to cover my butt in case we couldn’t. “Can I jump into the water to play with him and if he’s stuck in a fishing net can I take out my knife and cut him loose and he will be so thankful that he will give me a ride on his back into the sunset?” Nate said in one breath. “uuuhhhh…{bite lip} eeerrr…hhmmmm…{shrug shoulders} I…think….uuhhh….Sure. If the Manatee is stuck in a fishing net…go right ahead and cut him free.” I said playing the odds. I mean, they MUST be in my favor, right? (Note to self: Maybe a little less Crocodile Hunter/Go Diego, Go viewing in the future.)

If it's the journey, not the destination...we were in big trouble. 20 miles out and the engine light came on.

“Mommy…can I help Daddy with the oil?” After a momentary flash from the ”Christmas Story” tire changing scene, I said, “OK, Nate…you can help Daddy but watch your language.” “What Mommy?” “Nevermind. Go help Daddy and be careful.”

One oil change, two missed exits and seventeen potty breaks later, we got to the campsite. It was great. Everything was already set up,so  it was like checking into a camper hotel. We just brought in our suitcases. Now, I have to tell you that this was not Mark’s idea of camping. He grew up tent camping.  Packing everything into a backpack and hiking miles into the woods to be “one with nature”. I’ll be one with nature as long as there’s a thick piece of glass separating me from it and something porcelain for me to “commune” with. Besides, he grew up in WI. We’re in FL now. Sleeping in a tent in this heat will make you wake up dead…if the bugs didn’t eat you alive first. We have 2 small boys and live in FL…camper or hotel. Pick one.

Now, everyone has their ideas of what camping is. An almost 5 year old’s vision is this: tents, campfire, bears and marshmallows. So we had to at least make 2 of them come true. It was 96 degrees out but we made a campfire by golly.

Let the fun begin! "Yes, I know it's hot Nate. Campfires are hot. If you want to roast your marshmallow, you have to hold it over the fire. No, I'm not doing it Nate. You wanted to roast one...so roast it!"

This is the only time Zeke sat still and it was for exactly 6.2 seconds. I spent the entire weekend chasing after him saying, “No Zeke! Danger! No touching. Out of the road, Zeke! Not in your mouth. That’s Dublin’s food. Fire is hot, Zeke. Come down off the top of the camper, Zeke!  That was fun.

We found a grass field with a small hill for the boys and we decided to set them free. If they came back to us, they're ours...if they didn't, well...they never were!

Huge field to run and play and my boys find the only grate/hole and a stick to anger whatever might be living in it.

I looked down to swat the 67 mosquitos that were biting my legs and looked back up to see Zeke inside someone's firepit. {sigh} Things I never thought I'd have to say: "Mark, please go get your son out of that firepit."

I lost count after 237 but Nate’s querie of “Where are the Manatees?” went on for the entire second half of the day. Just when he would forget about them for a nanosecond, there would be a reminder:

"Mommy, I love this Manatee so much. Can we bring her home? She's so lonely here." "No, Nate, she belongs to the campground." "Mommy? How old is she?" "Well, she has to be at least 55...she's in the red-hat society." "Mommy? Why are you laughing?" {sigh} "Because sometimes I crack myself up Nate."

We found the Homosassa Springs State Park welcome center. It was filled with all kinds of stuff for the boys to play with. Their favorite (of course) was the gator:

"Crikey! Have a go at this beauty! Isn't she gorgeous?" Nate to his brother who, unbeknownst to him, was playing Steve's best mate, Wes.

Mark and I feel it's very important to teach your children the Art of the gag-photo.

After a 20 min. bake…uh, I mean boat ride, we were in the park. Finally! Manatees:

Sailors use to think Manatees were beautiful mermaids...I'm thinking I wouldn't be so self-conscious in a swimsuit if I lived back then.

Mark and Nate got to watch a Manatee program given by the park rangers. Me? I got to take a screaming/writhing Zeke into the pavilion to try to calm him down. In hindsight…I probably should have just let him climb the fence to the gator enclosure. Just think of the gag photos we could have gotten!

The next day we just hung out. We swam in the pool, helped with the smoothies and scratched mosquito bites. (That was just me, by the way. Mark didn’t get a single bite. Hard to get blood from a stone I guess!)

Nate helping Grandma Fae make/taste smoothies. He made a killing in tips!

The only way I could keep Zeke happy was to let him feed me Cheerios. By the time our food came, I was stuffed. Mark hugged me and said, "Thanks for taking one for the team, Honey!" "No problem." I smirked "because YOU'RE emptying the camper's sewer tank before we leave!"

Well, we came...we saw manatees...we got bit...we camped.

 All in all I guess it was a success. Nate got to roast marshmallows on a campfire and see manatees; Mark agreed that not having to walk into the woods and dig a hole to “go” was really nice; Zeke got to run free in the wilderness. And me? I got to do field research…I have over 27 mosquito bites on my legs alone and I’m going to see how long I can last without scratching. Does rolling around in Mark’s sandpaper bin count? (yes, he has an entire bin of sandpaper…)

I wonder how long it takes for a mosquito bite to go away? Hopefully before I “crack” and start taking out members of my family.

 

 

Alaska, Baby…?

I was going to work on a cruise ship to Alaska for an entire week by myself…sure looked good on paper. The plan was to relax, enjoy and recharge my Mommy batteries. The trick was to do all that and not feel sad, lonely or guilty.

Now that Zeke is almost 2 (21 months), I felt like I could take a gig that was a week long so when the offer came in to work on NCL’s Ship, the “Sun” for a 7 day Alaskan cruise, Mark and I decided to make it work. He was knee-deep in a project for Disney so we’d need babysitters during the day. Normally, my Mom would step in to save the day, but she decided to wake up with Bell’s Palsy the week before I had to leave.  (Sheesh! You can just say, “No!” Ma…you don’t have to go to such drastic measures to get out of watching my kids!) We found 2 wonderful, loving and fun babysitters for the boys so that was a load off my mind. In fact, Mark came home the first night to find them all playing “bats”. Nate looked up at Mark and said, “Daddy? Can you go back to work…we’re not done playing yet.”

So, everything was taken care of before I left. Child care, clean house, clean laundry…so why did I feel so guilty? My head was screaming at me,  “This is your job…you’re making money for the family! Stop feeling bad…you can’t help it if your job DEMANDS that you live on the ship for a week without your family…” But my heart was screaming, “You selfish, horrible Mother…you left your husband and your babies home with strangers! How can you live with yourself?” I thought maybe if I spent the entire week working out at the ship’s gym, I would be doing something useful but not at all fun so the guilt would subside. I took 2 classes the first day. A pilates class that had me rolling all over the floor and a full-body workout class that made me do more squats then anyone should ever do in their entire life. The next day I felt like I had gone 22 rounds with Mike Tyson. My legs were so sore from squatting, I had to pee standing up. 2000 push ups had left my arms dangling like over-cooked noodles at my sides. Brushing my teeth or my hair was not an option. I just threw my toiletries onto the bed and rolled around on them hoping something would stick. To top off the whole thing…”FLOW” decided to take the cruise with me. I figured that was enough suffering and penance for being on a cruise ship without my family, so I tried to have some fun.

In addition to my shows, I was part of the "Liar's Club" game show with my new pal, JP (an amazingly funny magician) and my old pal Alberto (singer/dancer/bad joke teller!). After their definitions for the word, "Fur Fur" I will remain a vegetarian and animal activist for life!

I enjoyed performing on the ship, the crowds were very warm and giving. Some of them even tried to “give” me their kids! The entire front row was filled with kids. Where were their parents? 7 rows back! Trust me when I tell you…I’m not doing a show for kids. I had to do my entire act in “code”. I figured, if you got the jokes…you were old enough.

Since I’m usually the one entertaining, it was a nice switch for me to get to go to the other shows and BE entertained for a change. My new friends, Rushlow Harris were awesome. They’ve been hugely successful in the country world for many years so it was a real treat to hear their songs.

Tim and Doni aka Rushlow Harris helped me get in touch with my "country roots"! OK, my "trailer-trash" roots.

Maybe it was being away from my family, maybe it was the hormones (probably an emotion coctail of both) but when they started singing, “She misses him”, I burst into tears. I could hear people around me whispering, “Hey, look at the comedian…she’s crying like a baby!” I’m thinking it was the straw that broke the emotional camel’s back. Either way, it felt good. Just to sit there in the dark theater, crying over some good ‘ole country songs. Thanks, Tim & Doni…ya’ll were way cheaper than a therapy session!

Ketchican, AK A great place to take your family...{sigh}

I spent my days looking through the shops in search of the ever-elusive baby Beluga whale. When I left home, I told Nate that I would bring him home a souvenir. “A baby Beluga whale, Mommy? I’ve always wanted a baby Beluga whale my whole life!” he said looking up at me with his big, brown soulful eyes. What could I say? “Oh course I’ll bring you a baby Beluga whale, Nate.” Little did I know that there were NO baby Beluga whales in any of the shops in any of the ports. Trust me…I looked in all of them. In case you’re wondering…there are hundreds of stuffed bears, penquins, wolves and otters. I even found a stuffed salmon for crying out loud! I found whales alright, but no Beluga whales. I bought a stuffed Orca whale and a humpback whale figuring 2 would be better than one and he wouldn’t know the difference anyway. I should have known better. When I got to make one of my 3 calls home that week, I told Nate I found his whale for him. “What color is it, Mommy?” he tested me. “Black and white.” I stuttered trying to sound knowlegable. “Mommy! that’s an Orca whale. Some people call him a killer whale but I don’t because that’s not nice. It’s an Orca whale. Remember when we went to Sea World, Mommy? Shamu is an Orca whale. You got the wrong one.” {sigh} It really is amazing how a 4 year old can make a 45 year old feel like an imbecile. “Listen very carefully, Mommy…” Nate continued. “a baby Beluga whale is white.” He even slowed down his speech to help me understand. “OK, Nate…I think I got it now.”

I would like to personally thank everyone at the Vancouver Aquarium responsible for setting up shop in the airport. I was preparing myself for the huge dissapointment I was about to bring home to my eldest son when I looked up and saw an entire baby Beluga display in one of the airport gift shops. Was it a desperate Mommy mirage? No! It was real! Apparently, she was the first Beluga whale born in captivity and the aquarium decided to celebrate with merchandise. There were baby Beluga t-shirts, key chains and there on the second shelf down was the holy grail…a stuffed baby Beluga whale for $9.99 Canadian. I heard angels singing as I lifted it off the shelf and brought it to the counter to pay.

I came home and handed my son his baby Beluga whale. He gasped when he saw her. “Mommy!  It’s the baby Beluga whale that I wanted all my life…I love her so much! Thank you Mommy.” And he gave me “The Hug”.  Not just a hug but THE hug. The one that says, “You’re the best Mom ever…I will never need therapy because you’re such a great Mom.”

I did it! I spent an entire week away from my family and I managed to work out, get my hair done, catch up on my sleep and I did it all…GUILT FREE!

 

Happy “sweat your face off” Day!

Ok, so I’m sure it’s hot everywhere in the country right now,  BUT…with our humidity it feels like we’re living in Atlantis. The only time we’re dry is the 4 1/2 seconds after we’ve toweled off following a shower.  It’s a deadly combo: hot, sweaty, sticky children = tired, cranky, whining parents. With all the activities for this holiday taking place outside, the million dollar question is…who’s bright idea was it to make it the 4th of JULY for crying out loud? Oh, yeah, I guess it was these guys:

All in favor of changing the day to the 4th of September….?

Our day was packed full of  fun. It started at 9am downtown for the big Celebration parade. We got there at 7 minutes before 9.  A 7 minute wait is an hour forty in toddler time. Luckily, there was a vendor selling “Fresh Squeezed Orange Juice”. You can’t get any fresher:

It doesn't get any "greener" than this: a reusable plastic straw-thingy is inserted directly into the orange. You squeeze the orange while sucking out the juice. No cups, no waste and a novelty that makes your kids drink something that's good for them AND it takes about 7 minutes to drink...here comes the parade!

One of the great things about living in Celebration is it’s small size. When there’s only a few hundred people watching the parade, your kid doesn’t have to fight very hard for any of the parade “goodies” thrown out to the crowd. No more dissapointed frowns directed at me like when parade swag flew over his head at the Pasadena, CA parades. If your kid has ever looked at you with one of those “looks”, you know what I mean when I say removing just one of them from my life was well worth the cross-country move. Both Nate and Zeke scored huge:

Bracelets and beads and candy...oh, my! Nate even managed to score a potted plant given out by the garden club. He just flashed one of his heart-melting smiles and the woman was defenseless.

Zeke nabbed 2 rubber ducks, a flag and a woman's purse...without ever leaving his stroller.

After the parade, we raced home to get ready for the family. We invited my brother, Scott; his wife, Melody and their twins, Hope & Paige. My cousin, Linda and her husband, Hector were coming with my Uncle Joey. We were so excited they were coming! That’s why we moved to this Humid Hole that’s just a mile and 1/2 north of Hades…to be near family.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever became a stand-up comic. I mean, what would lead me to such a weird profession? Then I spend a day with my family:

All I said was "Can I get a group photo of the guys?" My husband, Cowboy Mark. My brother, Harley Scott. My Uncle, Darth Maul Joe. And my cousin's husband, Harlequin Hector. And I'm the comic?

Dinner was awesome. That’s mainly because I had nothing to do with it. In case you don’t know, I’m extremely lucky to be married to a man that not only likes to cook, but is really good at it. That means our children will have nutritiously balanced meals and won’t ever get scurvy. (Which would be a real threat if I were in charge of meals.) My job? Purely janitorial. I can clean like nobody’s business. Which works out great for us because I can’t cook. Well, that’s not entirely true. I have been venturing into the world of desserts. In fact, Nate and I made a really fun 4th of July cake that I found online:

Licking the bowl was a huge motivator for me to start making desserts. Licking the bowl after making mashed potatoes...not so much.

Chocolate flag cake! How cute is this? And sooo freakin' easy: store-bought cake mix with white frosting. Blueberry stars with strawberry stripes. (No people were hurt during the making of this cake which was a miracle.)

Mark made tacos with Spanish rice. That’s the only meal besides pasta that vegetarians came make for their carnivore families that doesn’t make them miss their meat.

The fireworks were downtown, which is under a mile to walk. It’s a nice walk…in the winter. Walking downtown on July 4th felt like a stroll thru the Mojave.  But I have to give my family props…everyone walked and had a great time. It gets really crowded for fireworks. We actually get buses filled with people to come see our amazing fireworks display. The show was awesome. It  made us forget about the heat, the humidity and the crowds of sweaty people. We had a great vandage point as well, which was nice for the kids. It was Zeke’s first 4th of July. He actually stayed awake long enough to see the show. Well…1/2 of the show:

How do you fall asleep during a fireworks display? Open a creaky door during nap time and he's up, but exploding, screaming fireworks...zzzzzzz....

Nate managed to hold his own with his older cousins, Hope (on the left) & Paige (on the right). "Mommy, we're having fun, so don't say anything." I didn't know how to take that, so I just said, "OK, Nate...I won't say anything."

I’ll admit that when Hope & Paige were smaller, they REALLY looked alike. Especially when they had their haircut the same. But now, Hope’s hair is long and Paige got her hair cut into a cute, short bob. Now it’s easy to tell them apart…or you would think. For some reason, Nate cannot for the life of him, tell his cousins apart. “Mommy, which one is that?” “Nate, Paige has short hair. That’s Paige.” “Ok, Ok, OK….um…which one is Hope?” “NATE! Hope has long hair! That’s Hope.” He finally got so frustrated that he started calling each one of them, “Hope&Paige”. He went up to Paige and said, “Scuse me, Hope&Paige…wanna play Star Wars?” I almost choked when I heard him say to Hope, “Scuse me, Hope&Paige? Where is your sister, Hope&Paige?” They’re very good sports about it.

After the fireworks, we all headed home for the after show…

It's not the 4th of July without sparklers burning your hands...Go Paige!

My brother (Uncle Scott) took over the "lighting of the sparklers" duty. I guess he was the most qualified, seeing as how he's a firefighter and all.

It was a great day, in spite of the heat. “One for the books” as the saying goes. I do feel a little guilty about letting the real meaning of the holiday slip between the cracks. I vowed to explain to my boys what each of the holidays was about and why we were celebrating. But when I started telling Nate about our founding fathers and the Declaration of Independence…his eyes glazed over. I guess that’s what he was referring to when he said, “We’re having fun, so don’t say anything…!” {sigh}