As a Mom, you know your kid has several cries. There’s the “I’m tired and hungry” cry, the “He took my light saber and I want it back” cry and the “My heart is truly broken” cry. That one is real and it makes ME cry when it happens. I will do or kill anything to make that one stop.

Flash forward to Nate broken-hearted crying to me:

“Oh, noooo…what’s wrong, Nate?”
(sobbing uncontrollably, pointing at a picture in his book)

“Something in the book made you sad?”

(shakes head yes, still sobbing, can’t talk)

“What book is this?” (I read the title) “SantaKid by James Patterson…seems harmless, what’s it about?”

(still sobbing, points at drawing of Dog)

“The dog made you sad? What happened, did the dog die?”

(Wailing, sobs, look of sheer horror…shakes his head NO!)

“Sorry! OK, let me read the page and see what happened”

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“Doggie Doo Doo? Nate, you’re upset because they made a doggie called Doo Doo?”

(Nods yes, bottom lip quivering)

“Why does Doggie Doo Doo make you cry?” (trying to keep a straight face)

(sniff) “Because nobody wants him for Christmas…Waaaahhhhh!”

Nate is my sensitive, empathetic son. This is the kid that when we watched “Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer” when he was 3, I had to find him a Charlie-in-the-box for Christmas because nobody wanted him, either.

“But Nate, this is just a story that James Patterson made up, I don’t think there really is a Doggie Doo Doo.” (biting lip to keep from laughing)

“I’ll ask Santa to bring me  Doggie Doo Doo!!”

(Trying to get him to see the humor in this) “Nate, what if you sit on Santa’s lap and ask him for Doggie Doo Doo, then on Christmas morning you open your gift and it’s a stinky pile of real doggie doo doo!?”

“Mommy! This is not a joke! I’m serious! I want to give Doggie Doo Doo a home for Christmas!”

“OK, sorry Nate…That’s very nice of you.”

So I thought that would be the end of it, but I should have known better. Everyday, all day for a week my son is talking about Doggie Doo Doo. He wants to play with Doggie Doo Doo and sleep with Doggie Doo Doo… and I’m NOT allowed to laugh! Torture. Not to mention the looks of strangers within earshot of these conversations. I don’t want to know what they were thinking.

So I get it into my head that I’m going to make Nate a copy of the Doggie Doo Doo. I’m sure I broke all kinds of copyright laws with this, but I think desperate Moms should get a “Get out of Jail free” card in such cases. How do I do it. How do you make Doggie Doo Doo?..hmmm… I got it! Mark made a copy of the page and erased the background. Then we copied the image onto an iron-on sheet of paper (Thanks, Wendy!) and ironed the image onto some plain fabric. I found some doggie fabric in my stash (yes, I have a stash) for the back of the pillow and viola! May I present to you my present to my eldest son. A pillow with Doggie Doo Doo on it:

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“Mommy!!!! You got me Doggie Doo Doo for Christmas! Did you make it? (insert joke here because I wasn’t allowed to) I love him so much! Thank you. You’re the best Mommy in the whole, wide world!”

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Yes. Yes I am.

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Melf 1

Scene opens on my 2 boys watching a holiday special. A commercial for Dora The Explorer’s castle comes on:

Zeke:  Nate, look how awesome that is!!!

Nate:  Uh huh…

Zeke: Nate, we should ask Santa for that!!!

Nate: Zeke!!! We can’t ask Santa for that…

Zeke:  Why not?

Nate: Because…IT’S PINK!!!