I woke up today determined to potty train my son.

It’s 94 degrees outside with 150% humidity. I feel guilty keeping the boys inside all day, but on the other hand, I don’t want their little faces to melt off their skull. But if we’re potty training Zeke, we HAVE to stay inside the air-conditioned house to be close to the potty, right? And if I can actually get him to go on the potty, I’ll have this huge sense of accomplishment instead of the overwhelming guilt of keeping the boys under house arrest.

I made a trail of M&Ms on the floor leading up to the potty. (Hey, it worked on E.T.) When Zeke ate his way up to the potty he found me sitting next to it with a hand full of the magic morsels. I excitedly explained to him that if he sat on the potty he would get more. “OK, Mommy” he sighed. He knew he was powerless against his M&M addiction.

He sat on the potty and I immediately popped a few into his mouth. Ā “Mmmmm, dat good. More, pease.” I picked up his favorite “ABC” book and started to read. It worked. He was engrossed in the story. Half way through he looked up with a confused look on his face. Then he looked down.

What the...?


{gasp!} “Zekey! You’re going wee-wee! That’s wee-wee! Zekey’s going wee-wee in the potty! Hooray! Nate, come look…Zekey’s going wee-wee on the Potty.”

“Mommy, does this mean I have to do the dance?”

{through clenched teeth} “Yes, Nate…and you have to do it with a smile.”

{exasperated sigh} “Ohhhh…OK…”

And we danced. The silliest, over-the-top, worse-than-your-drunk-uncle-at-a-wedding kind of dance. And we sang at the top of our lungs: “Zekey went wee-wee on the potty….!”

Later, when Daddy came home we got to tell the story of how Zekey went wee-wee on the potty.

“Zekey…let’s show Daddy how you can go wee-wee on the potty!”


“Zeke…Daddy wants to see you go on the potty.”


“I have M&Ms…”

“OK, Mommy.”

He sat on the potty and we all hovered over him….watching. Mark started getting antsy:

“We’re gonna give the poor kid a complex…or a weird fetish.”

Nate put his hand up to Mark and said, “Shhhhhhh…” and pointed to Zeke.

“Wait for it….wait for it….”