Mommy Protocol # 3

Haven’t had one in awhile. It’s been nice. Then something happens that reminds me of the need for a Mommy Protocol.

How much does a plastic, Target footstool cost? $5 bucks? $10? If restaurants, theme parks and freaking movie theaters can’t afford one to put in their bathrooms, then just file for bankruptcy and get it over with.

I have two small boys. They can’t reach the sinks in restrooms. That means that I have to lift them up to the sink. (I count this as a workout) Their bellies always rest on the counter in front of the sink. The counter in front of the sink is ALWAYS wet from the person/people before us. That means, my arm/sleeve is now wet and the front of my sons’ shirt is wet and gross. My youngest is persnickity. He doesn’t like to be wet. When he’s wet, he cries…loudly. When he cries loudly…I take deep breaths and write a Mommy Protocol blog.

Seriously, how hard is it to take the paper towel you just dried your hands with and wipe the counter with it? Just one little swipe across the front of the sink. Consider it your “one good deed” for the day; a “pay it forward” or a “punch” in your ticket to where ever you think you’re going when you die…

Or even better…do it because I might be coming in right behind you…and I don’t want to do anything that might make me the “Top Story” on the 6:00 news.

 

Mommy Protocols

pro·to·col/ˈprōtəˌkôl/

Noun:

The official procedure governing affairs of state or diplomatic occasions. The established code of procedure or behavior in any group, organization, or situation.

As my journey as a Mom continues, I’ve been noticing that my frustrations have been on a steady incline. Not with motherhood in general, we all know our kids will frustrate us every day, all day, infinity. I’m talking about frustration with other Moms. (Other Dads are included in this, so don’t start raising your hands with objections.) Not just with Moms I know…I’ve seen some stuff in Target that made me put myself in a time out so I didn’t end up on the news. There needs to be some rules. A set of “What to dos” in social situations. So I’ve decided to take it upon myself to start such a list. I’m calling it “Mommy Protocols” Please feel free to add your nominations for the list in the comments box. If I use yours, I’ll send you a present, and hug your neck.

I’m not starting small. Number 1 on the list is the reason for the list…my proverbial “straw that broke the camel’s back” so here goes:

Mommy Protocols

1.  If we attend your kid’s birthday party and your kid pushes my kid off the water slide and then BITES him in the thigh so hard it does this:

Not only should you try to help me with ice/band aids, but you should be apologizing the entire time. THEN you should call my house at LEAST once to see how my kid is doing.

(sigh) There’s an entire list of other things you should do, but I guess we need to start with the basics first.